Healing Journey: Staying in my Lane

Given that it is a full moon in Aquarius, I thought a reflective post would be fitting. Full moons can be charged with so much energy, excitement, and anxiety making it difficult to stay grounded, focused on the present, and stay in our lanes. I love Rachel Cargle’s Instagram post “On: Staying In Your Lane” because it provides guidance to help us center ourselves and not get distracted by the past, our failures, and other people’s accomplishments. She encourages us to name and define what staying in our lane looks like for each of us.What are the colors, textures, sounds, and smells that are familiar to our respective paths? What activities, spaces, and relationships are native to them?

At the present moment, my lane includes tending to my new little family, growing as a partner and mother, emerging in my work as a scholar, healing and integrating experiences of mental ill-health, and using my lived experience to help others. My lane also consists of cultivating my artistic practice outside of academia by writing blogs and poetry, dancing, and creating digital art. It calls me to let go of old habits and relationships that no longer serve this phase of my life and to nurture new connections and opportunities for personal and professional growth. My lane requires gentleness as I enter into “the new normal” with in-person schooling and relating.

Staying in my lane also requires patience with myself as I tap back into spirituality. Although its been three years since my last manic episode and psychotic break, I still have not fully returned to my spiritual practices. Since 2019, I have worked diligently on staying grounded and clear minded. After having achieved stability and regained trust in my mind, I am slowly ascending from the roots I have planted to higher ground where I can re-engage my spiritual vision, inner knowing, and intuitive senses. It has been incredibly affirming to be in a healthy place psychologically and return to my tools of astrology, numerology, and tarot for wisdom and guidance.

I am in a place in my life where I am doing the heavy lifting to show up for myself and my family in staying well and being able to nurture and provide. Three years ago, if you told me that I would be a PhD student and mother supported by more than one grant which would allow me to take care of my family’s needs, I wouldn’t have believed you. I thought so little of myself that I believed I was not capable of earning a living wage, let alone be able to provide for a family. Today, I am in awe of the work I have put in to overcome the challenges of mental illness, pregnancy, a pandemic, and housing insecurity to then be stable, with a beautiful daughter, a healthy family with enough means to keep a roof over our head. As I have the urge to keep grinding and pushing myself to do more, the full moon energy invites me to relax and rest knowing that the seeds I have already sown are already germinating. At this moment, there is nothing left to do. All I have to do is receive what is in store and say, “I am ready, thank you.”

Against the backdrop of a full moon, a woman stands in an expansive pose with her arms spread like wings and her sternum thrusting forward. Below the card reads, “I am ready, thank you.” This is the card Nadia pulled from the Moon Deck when she did her full moon reading.

What does staying in your lane look like to you?


Featured Image: “Harvest Moon – The Long and Winding Road” by Rozanne Bell

Image Description: Multi-colored trees frame a long and winding road dissipating into an iridescent sky lit by a full moon

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