New Therapist, New Me

Not too long ago, I began contemplating whether I needed to continue going to therapy. After a harmful situation with a therapist where I lost trust in the process, I took a hiatus exploring peer support groups and other self-care activities to maintain my wellbeing. Homebound while postpartum in a global pandemic, I re-established myContinue reading “New Therapist, New Me”

Maintenance is Harder

I realized that I was in the maintenance phase of my recovery when the drama disappeared and life started slowing down. I would have off days like any regular human being, but I did not know how to cope with them. I was so used to dealing with distress that I felt like I couldContinue reading “Maintenance is Harder”

Healing Journey: Food & Fitness

This week was the first time since 2019 that I had been inside a gym or a group fitness space. Believe it or not, in my past life (from 2017-2019) I was actually a fitness instructor. I stopped teaching fitness classes when I got pregnant and quickly descended into my most frightening and prolonged manicContinue reading “Healing Journey: Food & Fitness”

Healing Journey: When Therapy is Harmful, Not Helpful

Trigger warning: perinatal psychiatric crisis, psychiatric incarceration, systemic violence In a previous post, I wondered if I outgrew therapy. I questioned whether I worked through or “got over” my trauma. I was ready to quit. However, instead of breaking up with my therapist, I was able to have a powerful conversation in which I realizedContinue reading “Healing Journey: When Therapy is Harmful, Not Helpful”

Breastfeeding While Black (& Bipolar): A poem & reflections

In honor of our ancestors the enslaved wet nurses / their life-force liquified sentenced to sustain white supremacy’s offspring Now we celebrate our brown babies suckling / in our arms against our skin / on our bodies / at our breasts Liberated lactation is a revelation a revolution / nourishment only Black bodies can provideContinue reading “Breastfeeding While Black (& Bipolar): A poem & reflections”

Bipolar, Weight & the BMLie

I never really had a problem with weight gain from my bipolar meds until some months into the COVID-19 pandemic. A year prior, I was a group fitness instructor teaching Zumba and Beachbody’s TurboKick and PiYo classes multiple times a week. On top of that, I was participating in a 300 hour yoga teacher trainingContinue reading “Bipolar, Weight & the BMLie”

Euthymia: Neither Manic nor Depressed

The uninformed public may believe that people with bipolar disorder are volatile constantly, swinging between mania and depression, but this mischaracterizes our actual lived experience. In fact, those of us who have received a correct diagnose and are following a treatment plan experience a stable mood known as euthymia. Stemming from the Greek word forContinue reading “Euthymia: Neither Manic nor Depressed”

Medicated Moods: Depression

I have only recently come to the realization that I can still experience mood shifts while medicated. For years after my bipolar diagnosis, I assumed that if I was taking my medication as prescribed that I would be symptom-free. Boy, was I wrong. Even after fine-tuning my medication regimen to the point where I experienceContinue reading “Medicated Moods: Depression”

Healing Journey: Postpartum Post-Mania Recovery

Navigating pregnancy without medication, my manic moods swung for months between the ecstatic highs of euphoric mania to the agitated episodes of the dysphoric variety. This experience was not only emotionally taxing; it took a tole on my physical body as well. I experienced a decreased sensitivity to pain such that I was prone toContinue reading “Healing Journey: Postpartum Post-Mania Recovery”